There are two types of people in the world: those who pretend exterior cleaning isn’t a thing, and those who’ve stared at a mossy brick wall long enough to start seeing faces in it.

I became the second kind after I tried to sit on a garden bench and slid off it like I was on a water park ride. That was the day I discovered the patio had grown a thin, slippery ecosystem — one that could probably be classified as a wetland.

That’s the magic of exterior cleaning. One moment you’re sipping lemonade, the next you’re Googling “how to defeat mold with honor.” Welcome to adulthood.

Now let’s talk about Poole. It’s got boats. It’s got salty air. It’s got roofs that gather grime like your fridge gathers expired condiments. If your shingles have started looking like the forest floor, you could do worse than wandering over to roof cleaning Poole. It’s a link. It won’t bite. Probably.

Dorset, on the other hand, is deceptively green. Trees, rolling hills, cows that look judgmental. But also: roofs turning into nature reserves. I saw a cottage once that had an entire salad growing on top of it. If you’re in that camp, roof cleaning Dorset may be your roof’s only shot at a second chance.

Meanwhile in Bournemouth, things escalate quickly. One week the roof looks fine. The next, it’s developed stripes and a questionable odor. That salty breeze and gull-based chaos really speed up the aging process. If you’ve been pretending the discoloration is just “natural patina,” roof cleaning Bournemouth would like a quiet word with you.

Ah, Portsmouth. Historic, salty, and slightly damp at all times. Roofs there don’t mess around. They collect layers of environmental “texture” like it’s going out of style. You ever see a chimney cry? I have. It was in Portsmouth. If your home is starting to look like an ancient ruin, roof cleaning Portsmouth is sitting there, blinking slowly.

Then we come to Southampton, where trees drop more nonsense than a drama-filled group chat. Pollen, leaves, stick clusters, unidentified green goo. You sweep one day, it’s back the next. If your gutters sound like they’re gargling in the rain, maybe check out roof cleaning Southampton. Or keep slipping on algae and calling it a dance move. Totally your call.

Exterior cleaning is humbling. It breaks you down. It makes you question your choices. But it also builds you back up — one spray at a time. You become the hose. The brush. The suds.

You become legend.

Until your neighbor walks by and says, “Missed a spot.”